Then and Now..

Life is moving so much faster now. I flash back to a year ago, and I remember time standing still. We were just in the thick of radiation, and it was honestly the worst months of my life. I thought surely I would die of heartache last summer. I can't think of anything worse for a parent, than watching their child suffer. The only thing worse would have been losing her, and we are so incredibly blessed that we didn't. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God, and continue to pray for her life. We are busy packing for her Make a Wish trip to Disney, and I can't help but think how far we have come. As I tuck her princess dress in her suitcase, I find myself saying a million prayers for those still fighting. Now it's our turn to help others, to give back, and to reach out a helping hand to those struggling. It's our turn to make our mark on this earth and be better people than we were the day before. Now we are off to Disney to show our two deserving kids an amazing time. Life is fragile and sweet. 

Big Faith

People often ask me why I write, or don't write. It's very therapeutic for me. Something is usually bothering me, or swirling around my head. So I write, and after, I always feel better. Maybe it's my therapy? Last week Tay & Max were playing in our playroom, Tay was making a make shift hospital, and Max and I were building towers so he could cannon ball into them. I heard Taylor saying, "Ohhhh dear. Ohhhh no. My pig is sick." She gently laid the stuffed pig on the pretend hospital bed and began digging through her doctor kit. She pulled out a pretend syringe, and pressed it into the pig's chest. "It's okay piggie, I'm here," she whispered as she pretended to access the pig's port. Tears rushed to my eyes when I heard her say. "I'm gonna give you some chemo, and then you will be ok again." Bless her little heart. I'm so happy she is able to process all this. That some how she did learn, and does know, that we did all this to make her better. "Mommy?! It's a chemo day for my pig!" she shouted. Max knocked down another tower and tackled me to the ground. I'm so glad neither noticed the tears creeping from the corner of my eyes. I said a million prayers for her continued recovery. I do this daily. I actually feel like God may be getting quite annoyed. He knows my heart, He hears me. 

I own a boutique (this is not a plug for it, hehe) and we have a warehouse that houses inventory for our website. I've actually always had a website, but mine just took off about 9 months ago. It took off right after a desperate prayer. I often go to the store at night to merchandise. One evening I sat on the floor thinking... praying... what can I do? How can I help contribute to our income as our medical bills were flowing in. I felt God tell me; work harder. Ummmm, what? Right now?! I'm tired, my kid has cancer, really?! And that was it. So I did, and it WORKED. My staff and I have worked tirelessly to keep up with this growing extension of the boutique, and we lost everything last Thursday to an electrical fire. It was heart wrenching...devastating...but also a reality check. All of my workers, a sweet little dog, and our fish (ironically named Smokey) were unharmed. Someone said, "Is this one of the worst days of your life?" and the answer was, "No, definitely no." We did a photo shoot later that day, made a make shift office, and trudged forward. There was no time for a pity party. It's just stuff. People matter. My staff matters. Life matters. No lives were lost. We are so lucky. I am in awe of the way God has blessed my life. 

Tay had scans today. Her first scan out of treatment. Her first scan not sedated. Our results come at the end of the week, and I have been a wreck. It terrifies me. It was a really hard day, but she bounced back to her happy self. She has faith. So again, I am inspired to have faith and know that everything is going to be ok. If it's not, we will go back to the battle field and fight for our girl. I'm a tough girl that won't give up on my business, and most certainly not my little girl.