Love.

Just found this post from October. I forgot to publish it, but better late than never. 


I just celebrated my 8 year anniversary. I honestly cannot believe I have been married for EIGHT years….that makes me old (ha!), and incredibly tolerant (wink Chris), and in all seriousness, truly blessed. I heard a lot of “wow, you made it past the seven year itch…”, and lots of comments of how it’s incredible we are still standing.  It has made me think about marriage, what it means, what I thought it meant 8 years ago, and how a little perspective can change your whole life.

8 years ago I was filled with dreams for my life. I had never been loved in a way that I was by Chris, truly and unconditionally. He made me feel like in my most unlovable moments that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I could be myself…no makeup, sweatpants, sick as a dog, whole nine yards, and perfect in his eyes. He asked, I said yes, we had the most beautiful wedding, fun honeymoon, and life began. Years in, the honeymoon phase wears off (sorry newlyweds reading this, wink) and thank goodness we had this amazing friendship that made life really fun. We grew up, grew apart, questioned our love, but always came back to the commitment we made Oct 14^th, 2006. I lost myself in mommy hood. Literally, it was like “Chris who?”…bless his heart. We had our precious girl, soon after our little Max, and then cancer came in and wrecked our life. It literally came in and popped our balloon of happiness. We went into survival mode. Get her through this…. get her out of this alive. That’s all that mattered. Max was shuffled back and forth between my mom and sister. He would scream for my mom when she left at the end of the day. It killed me. My sister would bring him to the hospital to vist, and I remember watching her walk away, kissing his chubby cheeks down the hallway, and thinking “this isn’t the life I thought I would have.” I turned to see Chris watching him too, tears in his eyes, hurting too. At the end of the day, he was my husband, but also the only person in the world who truly understood my pain. He made me laugh during chemo days, smile after radiation, distracted me during Tay’s surgeries…..he worked every non- chemo day. He was my best friend during the loneliest, saddest time of my life.  I’m certain I didn’t wear makeup for a year….and he assured me I was still the best thing since sliced bread. That’s love.

We dedicated this last year to getting back to where we started. We went on dates again, vacations, and had honest conversations about our marriage. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s an honest work in progress, and I truly believe that we get stronger every year. That seven year itch had nothing on us….