Sticks and Stones...

Sticks and stones may break my bones....but your words can devastate me. To call this week difficult is an understatement. Radiation is a whole new ball game, and so incredibly hard. The waiting room feels like a Lifetime movie.... each family with their own heartbreaking experience. A few weeks ago, Tay went down for scans and to be fit for the radiation bed. As we waited to meet with our doctor, a woman came out of the radiation room surrounded by a burst of cheers and joy. She rang a bell, and hugged the nurses goodbye...it was her last treatment. My heart was full for her, I smiled, and whispered, "Congratulations!" Across from me sat a 70ish woman who was silently blotting away what seemed like a million tiny tears seeping from her eyes. She looked wounded... heartbroken. Shortly after, her flushed husband came hobbling out of the radiation room. She hurried to meet him.. taking his arm and throwing it over her shoulder to steady him to the car. I now understand her pain. We all wish we were done, able to fast forward through the torture that our loved ones go through....that we go through. I found myself challenging our doctor today, "Does she really need this?" "Why are we doing this? She could barely walk last night, she was in pain, this isn't what we were prepared for..." I was fuming, I was exhausted from spending most of last night plotting to just STOP everything. What if we just didn't go?? Then what?? And as if her doctor could read my mind, he looked at us and said. "If you don't do this, you will lose her for sure." The record stopped. Time stood still. I stared at him wounded, heartbroken, defeated. His words stunned me, humbled me....hurt me. Yesterday the nurses had to pry her from my arms, and today I handed her over.... willingly.... praying that this will fix her. Each day, when radiation is complete, and they call us back, I run down the halls to her. I don't care if I look like a fool, because when I tell her that mommy will be there when she wakes up, you better believe that I will be.