The Silver Lining

Today is a new day, and I am so thankful for that! Taylor has perked up, and we can put the blood transfusion off another day. I have really struggled to see the silver lining in all of this.....fear has crept into my heart and made a home there. The repetition of chemo, get sick, get well, transfusions, and radiation looming has worn me down. Taylor was born with cancer, which raises concerns for our baby Max. We have decided to move forward and have him tested. I cannot explain how hard the unknown is... Yesterday I found myself a blink away from crying all day...lost in worry...exhausted. I ran through a subway drive through to grab lunch, placed my order, paid, and then forgot to drive away! I heard a knock on my window and the subway worker saying "Mam? Mam? Is there something else you need?" It made me start to think about what I really needed. Strength? Peace? Faith?

I put the kids to bed early last night and found myself curled up with our big dog... her head ended up soaked with tears. I cried harder, and she nestled in closer. We sat together for awhile... and then a wave of peace washed over me. I felt a surge of energy and started to clean up the downstairs...wiping glue and glitter off the table, placed baby dolls back in their toy box, books back on the book shelf...and thought to myself.. we had fun today. I am doing my job... right? I can do this.

It isn't a coincidence that at the same time, a benefit was going on for Taylor. Friends, co workers, family, and strangers came out to support our family. I could feel the prayers and positive energy and I wasn't even there. It always seems when I start to think I can't....a hand reaches out to me, a prayer lifts me up, a miracle happens.... I don't know what the divine reason for Taylor having cancer is... but I know it has changed people's hearts, brought people closer to God, and reminded us all how precious this one life we have is. God is good and that is the silver lining.