So, I prayed for patience. The next day Taylor challenged me on everything. It's so hard to distinguish what is her being three, and what is her not feeling well. I have said it once, and I will say it again, that I am still trying to raise a lady. We still have rules, and our timeout corner knows Taylor well. My sweet little chunk of a baby boy has turned into a ferocious biter! He has the ability to make me swear like a sailor in the middle of Target while I unhinge his little jaws off my hand. Patience.
But today.....today was my ultimate test in patience. Taylor and I headed to the hospital around 7:30am. We had a really rough visit. There are days where Tay has fight in her. She gets MAD when the nurses do painful things, and then she bounces back. And then we have days where she doesn't..... and those days just break my heart in half. She gets quiet, somber, stops smiling, cries with no sound, it's awful. Today was that kind of day. On our way out, she was lounged back in her stroller, hugging her blankie, not speaking. I just had to end things on a good note. She didn't want to say goodbye to the fish, didn't want to throw coins in the wishing pond (this has never happened)......so I pulled out my last trick, and knowing she is a girl after my own heart, I offered to go SHOP. We rolled into the hospital gift shop, and I said, "You were a brave girl, and mommy is SO proud of you, so you may pick out a few special things, let's shop!" She was SO excited, she clapped her little hands, and I knew she was smiling behind her mask. As quickly as I heaved a sigh of relief, I heard, "Well THAT is a slippery slope!" from a fellow gift shopper. I was stunned. It felt like this woman had reached out and slapped me. A SLIPPERY SLOPE? She was judging me, insinuating that I am starting a bad habit with my child. How dare her?! Of course I wanted to go into mama bear mode......but I didn't. I let her judge me. I know my heart. God knows my heart. I looked her square in the eyes and said, "Tay Tay, ANYTHING you want, let's shop!" This is not the first time, and it will not be the last time that people judge me. Patience.
How rude! If I had been standing there next to you, buying our customary post-chemo fig newtons (why do they not sell PLAIN m&m's?), with my own bald cutie in her stroller, I would have gotten it. You want to shout, "Do you not see the mask? the lack of hair? My baby has CANCER?" Argh. Some people. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave. The ones who have yet to experience those life lessons are the ones that judge. And how amazing you are to not scream at her in front of your daughter after such a long day. God does say to let Him take care of those who judge us, but I find that very difficult. I know you do not like compliments, Brooke, but watching you with your children, makes me a better mother. Dancing to the music at the Zoo and laughing despite every bee after us, You, my friend, are amazing. All our love to Taylor and our biter, Max!
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