A little over 3 weeks ago I remember talking to a friend about praying for my kids. I told her I didn't feel like I prayed for them enough or the "right" way. That day, I said a prayer for them. The very same evening, I chased Taylor through our house, scooped her up, and noticed her belly wasn't as soft as normal. My mommy alarm started going off...I layed her on the floor and ran my hands over her belly and found a raised bump. I called my sister, and had her feel my nephew's stomach...no bump. This lead to doctor's appointments, surgery, and ultimately a diagnosis of cancer. I know in my heart that I was meant to find that bump. A prayer was answered. A surgical nurse came and spoke to us while Taylor was on the operating table.....she explained that the surgery was going to take longer than expected, and I knew right then it was cancer. I understand her position, and why she didn't tell us from the beginning, she wasn't 100% sure, why would she worry us? I don't understand her delivery of the news... Im hoping she thought an oncologist had already been in to speak with us.... She came in to do a post op check, and I asked her, "What do you think the tumor is?" Her response was, " Cancer. Some form of cancer." I wanted to reach across the hospital bed and slap her. Terrible, but true. It was like someone took a baseball bat to my stomach. I immediately crouched down to the floor. I didn't want Taylor to see me crying or worried. "Stand UP Mommy!!!" is all I remember Taylor saying. I stood up with a smile on my face, shaking, wide eyed. Chris and I fought back tears for the next hour or so until Taylor fell asleep. We took turns hiding in corners of the room, to break down. Escaping to the bathroom, running the water, and just crying. I would have sworn to you that day that the pain would kill us. It didn't. Another prayer was answered.
We spent the next week or so letting go. Letting go of our old life... our old dreams. We confronted every fear, every worry, and then some. We stopped looking at this situation as a death sentence, and started looking at it as a part of Taylor's story, the story of her life. These are the things that will shape her, and help her leave her mark on this earth. Look how many hearts she has already touched? It changed our hearts as well. It made us think about starting a foundation to help kids like her. It made us think about being foster parents to critical care kids, like her roomie, who have no one. It made us think about how we spend our time every single day, and what kind of parents we want to be. It changed our dreams, it changed the kind of people we are. What a blessing to be 30-somethings, and have that type of perspective. Yet another answered prayer.
I know tomorrow is going to be a hard day. Taylor has another chemo treatment, and I dread the awful side effects that go along with this life saving treatment.....but it is a life saving treatment. I remind myself that we are doing this to save her life. There is nothing that I wouldn't do to make her better. She is my heart... walking around in fancy party shoes. Before Taylor was born, she started out as a prayer, and each day I get to be with her is another answered prayer. God is good.
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